I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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