It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
