We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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