We got so high we made milksteak
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
