my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
