Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
