Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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