I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize