I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
