I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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