i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize