he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
