"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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