Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
