I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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