Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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