I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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