How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
