I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
