You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
