I am in a vortex of obligation.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
