If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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