the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
