Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
