I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you would pick up someone in the library
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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