everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
