Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
