Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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