Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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