this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
