I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I look excited, but its just a facade.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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