i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize