Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
