I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
