I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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