can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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