did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
