I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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