dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Randomize
