i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
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