Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
