The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
