I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
