I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
