the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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