just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
