I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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