I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
