I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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