Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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