the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
