Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Randomize
