We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
