Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
