is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
