You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
