Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I am available for nakedness
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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