i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
