i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I fill condoms, not promises.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
