as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
