apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
nutella sex= disaster
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
