I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
