mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
accomplished twins. life is a go
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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