Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
