oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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