and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
