Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
