your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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