...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
