idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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