u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
